About Love and other things

I am in a relationship. which in itself is nothing admirable or commendable or even news worthy (unless you are that shallow). Marital Status is supposed to be like religion. only people who are wants to be in a relationship with you care about . But it's Egypt, so no, it's everybody's business and everyone has an opinion and some people will treat you differently according to it.
Not in a hundred years I thought it matter, except for the sincere "3o2ballek" and the not so sincere "shedy 7ellek"  it's something that people don't spend their life caring about.
But then I actually was in a relationship, a relationship that some people deemed unworthy of me.
I always though "You deserve better than this" is just a phrase people say but whether they believe it or not, won't make a direct change to the way they treat me, maybe the way they treat my partner, but never me.
But boy was I wrong.
Does it make any sense that people Love you so much they hate you? isn't the point of being in a relationship is happiness? if you are happy, your partner is happy and both of your immediate family is happy , then does anyone else matter. does a friend has a right to move heaven and earth to kill that budding romance . trying to alienate you from all your common friends, the excuse! She deserves better
Who's to say if you deserve better or worst, and even so isn't the end result in your own hands, if both parties satisfied does anyone else matter?
I've never been the one for love, the kind of girl who follows love where ever it leads, quite the contrary , I was the type of girl that ran so fast from love. Didn't believe in it to begin with but just in case never was a round someone , who i might fall for.
- OMG! he haven't taken his eyes off you for the last 5 minutes he must like you.
- He has been flirting with daily for month now, it must mean something
- Come on, he only comes when you are around, maybe he is interested
No, no and no. he is looking at me cause he thinks he knows me from somewhere, he flirts cause he's bored and he comes when am around cause I am fun to be around.
I never try to explain guys behaviors as interest,  I don't like to overestimate simple gestures. and deep inside I was terrified of love, I see it as weakness, and I always recognized in my personality that tendency to go very weak. to give everything for the one I love and derive my happiness from their happiness , so I steered away from it. No body was worthy of me, cause I didn't want to give part of me to anyone.
But Fate always have other plans , someone saw me , studied me , saw my weakness and went for it. it sound evil , malicious and devious but it's not.
the definition of love is an intense feeling of deep affection  I've never been the one to have intense feelings, other than intense feeling of loneliness and sadness both unexplained and I got so used to those that sometimes I just miss them it's rare but like a companion I've had for so long I out of loyalty try to fake them, but I have no patience for them anymore.
the definition of relationship is the state of being connected. I actually do feel connected to someone all the time. it's a nice feeling. I have to admit I miss being single , the freedom of doing what you want when you want and not caring about what anyone else thinks or wants. but slowly that feeling is starting to fade.
I am not good at feelings and am even worst at communicating my feelings, so alot of time I mess up, because I can't communicate what I want or what I need.Maybe I will grow better in it as times goes by. But I can't help feeling too old for that game. Like when you start to play a game so late while everyone else is so far ahead.
It doesn't help that a huge chunk of your friends or your so-called-friends keep telling you , you are doing it wrong based on their experience relationships are not supposed to be like this.
I might not have a lot of Experience but I know this much is true,
* Every relationship is NOT the same, different people have different dynamics.
* Make your relationship not about the fact that you are in a relationship, make it about the guy/girl. It must always be a way not a mean.

all i know about love so far is it's making me so happy, I would do anything for love it might be an illusion, but it's the sweetest yet. so I will live in an illusion until it gets smashed on the harsh rock of reality 

Asmaa

Last Weekend end I got a BBM from friends suggesting we go to the movies, specifically this new movie called Asmaa, Not being an Arabic movies fan I had no idea whatsoever about that movie, but applying that new fun loving spirit I was trying to embrace lately I went along.

for those of you who haven't seen the Movie I won't try to ruin it for you.But I found out the Movie was about Aids, HIV to be more specific Patients who are HIV positive to be quite accurate. Later on I discovered that the movie have tons of awards, so you don't need me to tell you it is a movie worth watching.

The Main Issue for me was the part where everyone wanted to know how she got the disease while she stubbornly refusing to tell anyone. People wanting to know how she got it so they would know how to react toward her, is she a sinner or an innocent victim. It shouldn't make a difference, but sadly it does. every bit of that movie hurt me, It put me in a mood that I can't get raid of it till now. this post was supposed to be about HIV patients in Egypt. I had a million opinion and I read a bunch of scientific stuff but I just can't.
I just feel sad, depressed and broken inside. it even might be because she reminded me of myself .I am not that brave or stubborn  not to this extent but I have both of them inside me , more then most people even know. She was selfless and she had a guilty conscious those were the root of her trouble. I have no selflessness inside of me, I can't put myself second except if I feel in love or if I had a guilty Conscious. I think the main problem is that the movie scared me more then anything and I just realized now , why?

In the movie you don't get to understand her personality upfront, it something that comes to you , bit by bit. through a bunch of flashbacks, Like a puzzle you start to fit each piece of her story  , and with each part the picture gets clearer . after I assembled the Picture it reminded me of myself and the story is so sad it scared me , but now I see it all so clear. She drew a straight line to her own doom, with her own hands and although she saw what's coming ahead , it didn't stop she just kept on going .I tend to do that, but I 've been blessed not to cause permanent damage.

The ship that never sinks

Life is radically changed. when you are 29 But one of the everlasting issue that hardly ever change is friendship. you still go through all the silly drama that has been going since the first day you went to KG and called someone your friend for the first time. I suspect that this same drama will be still going on till you the day we die. of course the problems might "seem" different but basically they are the same themes. Jealousy, loyalty , trust, being there when needed. All those issues. Personally I had my share of friends and the theme that always seemed to happen for me again and again was Jealousy. I always have this great friend and then a new person is added to the mix suddenly my close friends starting acting crazy and jealous and usually puts me in a Me or Her type of situation , I fail to make a choice. she get mad I get bored with the drama we seize to be friends. Most girls are Drama Queens, so I always took this things lightly . Lately I was doing a lot of soul searching and I was faced with the question of "how come I get over people super fast?" The thing is when I lose a friend I don't dwell about it I accept it and move on, Personally I've always thought am mature that way. Then I broke up with someone who I was madly in love with ( Long Story for another time) . To everyone's surprise. It took me 2 days to completely get over him. Suddenly Everyone was telling me that I this is not normal and they expected me to crumble and show my deep sadness later. but when I didn't I was accused of being cold , detached and easy to forget people (baya3a).

But am Not!!!! I am a really good friend, Every friend I've ever had marveled about how good friend I am and how whenever they have problems or trouble I am the first person who will be there for them. And that I am God's Gift to friends. Then after the not-so-messy breakup a very close friend of mine came and admitted that she dated that ex behind my back. My reaction! I totally understood her point after all you can't chose who you fall in love with and I held her hand through her own break-up. which she is still suffering of. I really wish her well and I am now a closer friend to her then before. but I have to admit that I am still prone to jealousy when I hear about how he was better boyfriend to her then he was to me, because I deserved better then that.but I don't even tell her that I sound like an amazing friend , right!!

7 years ago I stopped talking to a one of the closest friends I've had for 12 years, because she broke-off her engagement to my cousin with out telling me and the following day when we met she acted like nothing was wrong. I guess my point is just that friendship is a messy business , P.s I have a distinct feeling that I lost my ability to write, but that might be just a little rust. so sorry if you found this post less then satisfying.
Somewhat inspirted from this post for batates_777

I am Back.......... I think

It's been so long since I've been around the blog-sphere, almost 4 years, it started a couple of weeks ago I was bored stumbled across a blog. kept reading all night through and after a while , Like usual, thoughts started racing through my head and I wanted to vent so I opened a word sheet and wrote few words. and discovered that I missed blogging. I wrote a few very small posts (and in Arabic) in my other blog, because it's titled thoughts and they were just a few random thoughts and then I decided to today to take a look here and I was surprised ( pleasantly) with my old posts and decide to be back for good , or until I get bored again.

Facebook Tag

i got this Tag from Facebook and I've done it at facebook, but I thought you that my blog is just as important as my Facebook profile. so here it goes

25 random and boring facts about me

1- I find it very hard to talk about me.
2- Uptill last week I've never had a Crush
3- I have 2 blogs and they are very important to me
4- I am very attached to my family
5- I write Poetry, that I believe sucks
6- I've Never Traveled outside Egypt
7- I Love My nieces Very Much
8- Sometimes I'd go to a new website and write my email and password to find out I already have an account there
9- I am 5' 3 inch tall
10- I don't like it when people talk about my weight.
11- I Like to keep to myself
12- I don't like to feel ignored
13- I miss working in the EGC, more than I admit to myself.
14- I also Miss all the Exempted
15- I don't like to feel like I need anyone
16- I like to feel needed
17- Right Now I am bored out of my mind and feel like killing Zina* (J\K :D )
18- I Like to follow the rules
19- I am a very Curious person
20- I hate Crowds
21- I am a Librarian
22- I hate boosting around, but sometimes I love showing off (go figure that one out LOL)
23- I am very Judgmental
24- I love reading , TV and Music, and yesterdays I was combing them all together, by reading while watching the Grammys'
25- I Know no one will read that.

*Zina is the Person who tagged me at facebook

Tolerance

what is Tolerance?
the simple definition is to accept the other person.
but what exactly do they mean when they say Accept. does it mean treating that person good and respect his/her believes , or respect that person and respect his/her believes, or treat that person with respect and keep my feelings to myself.
it seems that everyone Demand Respect, every single person wants the rest of the world to respect his/her believe. but can anyone really do it?
Can you respect the other persons believes even if you think they are idiotic and makes no sense to you at all?
Lately America has been asking Egyptians to have more Tolerance toward the somewhat minority Christians. Personally I believe that if anyone should lecture us about Tolerance it would never be the Americans. with all due respect to the great American Civilization. Don't Throw Rocks When You Are in a Glass House. Go fix your Racism, gay rights for marriage and your xenophobia and islamophobia then come and tell us what we should do.
I won't say that Christine life in Egypt is an endless sunshine. I am sure they get picked on based on their religion. but in Egypt every on get picked on for one reason or another. In Egypt we are all oppressed and we all oppress any one we can, just because we can.
What I find impressive is that the amount of foreigners who scream their lungs out that Egypt (and Arab world) should be more tolerant, I've met also met Screaming their lungs out that Islam is an evil Religion that should be terminated because it's the civilized thing to do.
if you talk to them about tolerance they talk to you about freedom of speech.
it's like they (the civilized) enjoy the freedom of speech while YOU (the uncivilized in their eyes ) should remember to be tolerant. and they honestly can't see the double standerds no matter how hard you can point it out.
I am done trying to expect any productive conversation with people from so-called civilized country.

Websites

Create Fake Magazine Covers with your own picture at MagMyPic.com

Today I've been Discovering the Magnificent world of what i call the photo changing websites. the Idea is simple you upload your photo and then they'll change something in it.
One of the most famous web pages is yearbookyourself.com, in had earned an enormouse amount of popularity through Facebook.
yearbookyourself.com give you alot of what if's scenariose. it's fun and it waste quite amount of time.
facedouble.com tell you who is your celebraty facedouble (you look alike)
and so does myheritage.com, with an addition called morph. which slowly turns you to whoever celebreity the web site thinks you look like.
Funny thing is that I posted the same picture on both sites and they both got my 2 differnet lists, none of which had one name in common.
pikipimp.com Let you upload your pic, then add stuff on it, like glasses , hats and tattoos.
magmypic.com is another site popular with facebook user, you upload your photo and then the site will give it a Magazine cover, look.
those are the only ones I found worth while. do you have any?

P.s the baby in the Pic. is my Niece.