Asmaa

Last Weekend end I got a BBM from friends suggesting we go to the movies, specifically this new movie called Asmaa, Not being an Arabic movies fan I had no idea whatsoever about that movie, but applying that new fun loving spirit I was trying to embrace lately I went along.

for those of you who haven't seen the Movie I won't try to ruin it for you.But I found out the Movie was about Aids, HIV to be more specific Patients who are HIV positive to be quite accurate. Later on I discovered that the movie have tons of awards, so you don't need me to tell you it is a movie worth watching.

The Main Issue for me was the part where everyone wanted to know how she got the disease while she stubbornly refusing to tell anyone. People wanting to know how she got it so they would know how to react toward her, is she a sinner or an innocent victim. It shouldn't make a difference, but sadly it does. every bit of that movie hurt me, It put me in a mood that I can't get raid of it till now. this post was supposed to be about HIV patients in Egypt. I had a million opinion and I read a bunch of scientific stuff but I just can't.
I just feel sad, depressed and broken inside. it even might be because she reminded me of myself .I am not that brave or stubborn  not to this extent but I have both of them inside me , more then most people even know. She was selfless and she had a guilty conscious those were the root of her trouble. I have no selflessness inside of me, I can't put myself second except if I feel in love or if I had a guilty Conscious. I think the main problem is that the movie scared me more then anything and I just realized now , why?

In the movie you don't get to understand her personality upfront, it something that comes to you , bit by bit. through a bunch of flashbacks, Like a puzzle you start to fit each piece of her story  , and with each part the picture gets clearer . after I assembled the Picture it reminded me of myself and the story is so sad it scared me , but now I see it all so clear. She drew a straight line to her own doom, with her own hands and although she saw what's coming ahead , it didn't stop she just kept on going .I tend to do that, but I 've been blessed not to cause permanent damage.

The ship that never sinks

Life is radically changed. when you are 29 But one of the everlasting issue that hardly ever change is friendship. you still go through all the silly drama that has been going since the first day you went to KG and called someone your friend for the first time. I suspect that this same drama will be still going on till you the day we die. of course the problems might "seem" different but basically they are the same themes. Jealousy, loyalty , trust, being there when needed. All those issues. Personally I had my share of friends and the theme that always seemed to happen for me again and again was Jealousy. I always have this great friend and then a new person is added to the mix suddenly my close friends starting acting crazy and jealous and usually puts me in a Me or Her type of situation , I fail to make a choice. she get mad I get bored with the drama we seize to be friends. Most girls are Drama Queens, so I always took this things lightly . Lately I was doing a lot of soul searching and I was faced with the question of "how come I get over people super fast?" The thing is when I lose a friend I don't dwell about it I accept it and move on, Personally I've always thought am mature that way. Then I broke up with someone who I was madly in love with ( Long Story for another time) . To everyone's surprise. It took me 2 days to completely get over him. Suddenly Everyone was telling me that I this is not normal and they expected me to crumble and show my deep sadness later. but when I didn't I was accused of being cold , detached and easy to forget people (baya3a).

But am Not!!!! I am a really good friend, Every friend I've ever had marveled about how good friend I am and how whenever they have problems or trouble I am the first person who will be there for them. And that I am God's Gift to friends. Then after the not-so-messy breakup a very close friend of mine came and admitted that she dated that ex behind my back. My reaction! I totally understood her point after all you can't chose who you fall in love with and I held her hand through her own break-up. which she is still suffering of. I really wish her well and I am now a closer friend to her then before. but I have to admit that I am still prone to jealousy when I hear about how he was better boyfriend to her then he was to me, because I deserved better then that.but I don't even tell her that I sound like an amazing friend , right!!

7 years ago I stopped talking to a one of the closest friends I've had for 12 years, because she broke-off her engagement to my cousin with out telling me and the following day when we met she acted like nothing was wrong. I guess my point is just that friendship is a messy business , P.s I have a distinct feeling that I lost my ability to write, but that might be just a little rust. so sorry if you found this post less then satisfying.
Somewhat inspirted from this post for batates_777

I am Back.......... I think

It's been so long since I've been around the blog-sphere, almost 4 years, it started a couple of weeks ago I was bored stumbled across a blog. kept reading all night through and after a while , Like usual, thoughts started racing through my head and I wanted to vent so I opened a word sheet and wrote few words. and discovered that I missed blogging. I wrote a few very small posts (and in Arabic) in my other blog, because it's titled thoughts and they were just a few random thoughts and then I decided to today to take a look here and I was surprised ( pleasantly) with my old posts and decide to be back for good , or until I get bored again.