Asmaa

Last Weekend end I got a BBM from friends suggesting we go to the movies, specifically this new movie called Asmaa, Not being an Arabic movies fan I had no idea whatsoever about that movie, but applying that new fun loving spirit I was trying to embrace lately I went along.

for those of you who haven't seen the Movie I won't try to ruin it for you.But I found out the Movie was about Aids, HIV to be more specific Patients who are HIV positive to be quite accurate. Later on I discovered that the movie have tons of awards, so you don't need me to tell you it is a movie worth watching.

The Main Issue for me was the part where everyone wanted to know how she got the disease while she stubbornly refusing to tell anyone. People wanting to know how she got it so they would know how to react toward her, is she a sinner or an innocent victim. It shouldn't make a difference, but sadly it does. every bit of that movie hurt me, It put me in a mood that I can't get raid of it till now. this post was supposed to be about HIV patients in Egypt. I had a million opinion and I read a bunch of scientific stuff but I just can't.
I just feel sad, depressed and broken inside. it even might be because she reminded me of myself .I am not that brave or stubborn  not to this extent but I have both of them inside me , more then most people even know. She was selfless and she had a guilty conscious those were the root of her trouble. I have no selflessness inside of me, I can't put myself second except if I feel in love or if I had a guilty Conscious. I think the main problem is that the movie scared me more then anything and I just realized now , why?

In the movie you don't get to understand her personality upfront, it something that comes to you , bit by bit. through a bunch of flashbacks, Like a puzzle you start to fit each piece of her story  , and with each part the picture gets clearer . after I assembled the Picture it reminded me of myself and the story is so sad it scared me , but now I see it all so clear. She drew a straight line to her own doom, with her own hands and although she saw what's coming ahead , it didn't stop she just kept on going .I tend to do that, but I 've been blessed not to cause permanent damage.

The ship that never sinks

Life is radically changed. when you are 29 But one of the everlasting issue that hardly ever change is friendship. you still go through all the silly drama that has been going since the first day you went to KG and called someone your friend for the first time. I suspect that this same drama will be still going on till you the day we die. of course the problems might "seem" different but basically they are the same themes. Jealousy, loyalty , trust, being there when needed. All those issues. Personally I had my share of friends and the theme that always seemed to happen for me again and again was Jealousy. I always have this great friend and then a new person is added to the mix suddenly my close friends starting acting crazy and jealous and usually puts me in a Me or Her type of situation , I fail to make a choice. she get mad I get bored with the drama we seize to be friends. Most girls are Drama Queens, so I always took this things lightly . Lately I was doing a lot of soul searching and I was faced with the question of "how come I get over people super fast?" The thing is when I lose a friend I don't dwell about it I accept it and move on, Personally I've always thought am mature that way. Then I broke up with someone who I was madly in love with ( Long Story for another time) . To everyone's surprise. It took me 2 days to completely get over him. Suddenly Everyone was telling me that I this is not normal and they expected me to crumble and show my deep sadness later. but when I didn't I was accused of being cold , detached and easy to forget people (baya3a).

But am Not!!!! I am a really good friend, Every friend I've ever had marveled about how good friend I am and how whenever they have problems or trouble I am the first person who will be there for them. And that I am God's Gift to friends. Then after the not-so-messy breakup a very close friend of mine came and admitted that she dated that ex behind my back. My reaction! I totally understood her point after all you can't chose who you fall in love with and I held her hand through her own break-up. which she is still suffering of. I really wish her well and I am now a closer friend to her then before. but I have to admit that I am still prone to jealousy when I hear about how he was better boyfriend to her then he was to me, because I deserved better then that.but I don't even tell her that I sound like an amazing friend , right!!

7 years ago I stopped talking to a one of the closest friends I've had for 12 years, because she broke-off her engagement to my cousin with out telling me and the following day when we met she acted like nothing was wrong. I guess my point is just that friendship is a messy business , P.s I have a distinct feeling that I lost my ability to write, but that might be just a little rust. so sorry if you found this post less then satisfying.
Somewhat inspirted from this post for batates_777

I am Back.......... I think

It's been so long since I've been around the blog-sphere, almost 4 years, it started a couple of weeks ago I was bored stumbled across a blog. kept reading all night through and after a while , Like usual, thoughts started racing through my head and I wanted to vent so I opened a word sheet and wrote few words. and discovered that I missed blogging. I wrote a few very small posts (and in Arabic) in my other blog, because it's titled thoughts and they were just a few random thoughts and then I decided to today to take a look here and I was surprised ( pleasantly) with my old posts and decide to be back for good , or until I get bored again.

Facebook Tag

i got this Tag from Facebook and I've done it at facebook, but I thought you that my blog is just as important as my Facebook profile. so here it goes

25 random and boring facts about me

1- I find it very hard to talk about me.
2- Uptill last week I've never had a Crush
3- I have 2 blogs and they are very important to me
4- I am very attached to my family
5- I write Poetry, that I believe sucks
6- I've Never Traveled outside Egypt
7- I Love My nieces Very Much
8- Sometimes I'd go to a new website and write my email and password to find out I already have an account there
9- I am 5' 3 inch tall
10- I don't like it when people talk about my weight.
11- I Like to keep to myself
12- I don't like to feel ignored
13- I miss working in the EGC, more than I admit to myself.
14- I also Miss all the Exempted
15- I don't like to feel like I need anyone
16- I like to feel needed
17- Right Now I am bored out of my mind and feel like killing Zina* (J\K :D )
18- I Like to follow the rules
19- I am a very Curious person
20- I hate Crowds
21- I am a Librarian
22- I hate boosting around, but sometimes I love showing off (go figure that one out LOL)
23- I am very Judgmental
24- I love reading , TV and Music, and yesterdays I was combing them all together, by reading while watching the Grammys'
25- I Know no one will read that.

*Zina is the Person who tagged me at facebook

Tolerance

what is Tolerance?
the simple definition is to accept the other person.
but what exactly do they mean when they say Accept. does it mean treating that person good and respect his/her believes , or respect that person and respect his/her believes, or treat that person with respect and keep my feelings to myself.
it seems that everyone Demand Respect, every single person wants the rest of the world to respect his/her believe. but can anyone really do it?
Can you respect the other persons believes even if you think they are idiotic and makes no sense to you at all?
Lately America has been asking Egyptians to have more Tolerance toward the somewhat minority Christians. Personally I believe that if anyone should lecture us about Tolerance it would never be the Americans. with all due respect to the great American Civilization. Don't Throw Rocks When You Are in a Glass House. Go fix your Racism, gay rights for marriage and your xenophobia and islamophobia then come and tell us what we should do.
I won't say that Christine life in Egypt is an endless sunshine. I am sure they get picked on based on their religion. but in Egypt every on get picked on for one reason or another. In Egypt we are all oppressed and we all oppress any one we can, just because we can.
What I find impressive is that the amount of foreigners who scream their lungs out that Egypt (and Arab world) should be more tolerant, I've met also met Screaming their lungs out that Islam is an evil Religion that should be terminated because it's the civilized thing to do.
if you talk to them about tolerance they talk to you about freedom of speech.
it's like they (the civilized) enjoy the freedom of speech while YOU (the uncivilized in their eyes ) should remember to be tolerant. and they honestly can't see the double standerds no matter how hard you can point it out.
I am done trying to expect any productive conversation with people from so-called civilized country.

Websites

Create Fake Magazine Covers with your own picture at MagMyPic.com

Today I've been Discovering the Magnificent world of what i call the photo changing websites. the Idea is simple you upload your photo and then they'll change something in it.
One of the most famous web pages is yearbookyourself.com, in had earned an enormouse amount of popularity through Facebook.
yearbookyourself.com give you alot of what if's scenariose. it's fun and it waste quite amount of time.
facedouble.com tell you who is your celebraty facedouble (you look alike)
and so does myheritage.com, with an addition called morph. which slowly turns you to whoever celebreity the web site thinks you look like.
Funny thing is that I posted the same picture on both sites and they both got my 2 differnet lists, none of which had one name in common.
pikipimp.com Let you upload your pic, then add stuff on it, like glasses , hats and tattoos.
magmypic.com is another site popular with facebook user, you upload your photo and then the site will give it a Magazine cover, look.
those are the only ones I found worth while. do you have any?

P.s the baby in the Pic. is my Niece.

The Dream

The following post is based upon a dream I had, I wasn't gonna write anything about it for so long, but it kept haunting me. excuse the corny , pushed dialogue. I've always sucked at writing dialogue.
I know it's too long. if you got bored at the middle just stop reading and leave a comment.
^_^

-1-

When Mr. Abachy opened the door, the expression of his face was instantly transformed. It annoyed him that someone would come at this time of night, he didn’t feel like talking to anyone even for a small amount of time but after seeing the dirty face of his son, Jason, the annoyance quickly turned into happiness. As always it was happiness mixed with sadness, although He hasn’t seen his son Jason for months and he was worried. It still pained him to see how low his son had sunk. He then noticed a girl was standing next to him, she looked clean well put, not the type of person that would hang with Jason in his current state. He invited both of them in trying to shake away the sadness in his heart.

The moment Abe Jason’s father opened the door Jason knew it was a mistake coming here; Phoebe had begged him for days to let her. Against his best judgment he bulked in . His father hadn’t seen him for months, but sometimes he’d pass and checked the lights in his father bedroom. He promised himself that he won’t deal with his father, if he doesn’t want to but he broke that promise just like he broke almost every one he made to himself. Somehow the old man’s opinion still gets to him, The resentment he saw in his father’s face made him want to run, he was about to leave when his father invited them both in. it was no use backing up now, so He went in trying to shake away the dread he felt in his heart.

Phoebe hoped some good will come out of this. Jason’s father seemed like a nice old man she could easily see relieve on his face when he saw Jason, but she could also detected sadness. It was expected under the circumstances. She could sense Jason’s fear arising, he was panicking like when he first did, when she asked to meet his family. It amazed her how they didn’t converse with each other at all, but still managed to seem like they were having a conversation. Mr. Abachy took a step back and motioned for them to come in. she felt the hesitation from Jason, then just when she though he'd run away he went in. she followed him in hoping for the best.

-2-

Mr. Abachy knew his time was limited and he had to make the phone call as fast and as discreetly as possible. Instead of walking to the bathroom he hurried to the phone.
There he made the phone call. All he has to do now was, wait. He’s always been bad at waiting; it wasn’t in his nature to just wait. But lately his life had been summoned down to waiting. Wait for his son to come by. Wait for him to regain his mind or desire to live or whatever he lost, and gets out of that mess he calls life. Wait for death to come by. All he had to do was, wait.

His father had excused himself to the bathroom. But Jason knows that’s not it. He knows that despite saying otherwise, his father hates seeing him. He pretends he doesn’t, but Jason could easily see the resentment and disappointment in his father’s eyes. He cursed himself for being dumb enough to come here again to be judged and ridiculed and promised himself never again would he come back. This time when he walks out that door it will be forever. He started soaking up every detail of the house and carves it in his heart before he forever leaves.

The dynamic between those 2 was amazing to Phoebe, their pain and fear was so obvious and out there. But they both seem only capable of see their own individual pain and blind to see the other's. They didn’t need to talk to each other, she doubted that they would even hear each other if they tried. Each one of them was so filled up with his own emotion to even acknowledge the other’s. Mr. Abachy seemed like a friendly, nice person, nothing what Jason has described. He was taking too long she hoped he’d come back soon cause she suspected that Jason was getting ready to leave whether his father came back or not.

-3-

Jason - I am leaving
Mr. Abachy - but we didn't have any time to talk, and I haven’t got to know your friend. I don’t even know her name.
Jason - Well if you cared about that you would‘ve stayed here instead of hiding in your room
Mr. Abachy - Hiding! Who’s hiding? I was in the bathroom
Jason - Please! Couldn’t you’ve done better than that? A better excuse, I never knew that you need 20 minutes to take a piss
Mr. Abachy - I didn’t know there was a time limit?
Jason - whatever! I am leaving and I wouldn’t count on seeing me again
Mr. Abachy - Just wait 5 more minutes.
Jason - WHAT? What the fuck you are talking about?
Mr. Abachy - I said just stay 5 more minutes.
Jason - You gotta be fucking me, so what did you order this time? Some groceries or maybe a hot meal for your god damn homeless son
Phoebe - Jason I think you need to calm down.
Jason - Calm down! You were asking how come I never come here, because this old man is always trying to cram down some meal down my throat like am some kind of fucken beggar, not his god damn son. I am here to fucken see you not trying to score a stupid meal.
Mr. Abachy - I know how hard life on the street is.I… I only want to make sure you are ….. Fine.
Jason - Really? How about the rest of the 365 days when am not here.
Mr. Abachy - I can’t control these, I just wish you’d come back here …. More often, I mean.
Jason - then maybe you should stop acting like the fucken king of universe. am outta here.

-4-

When Mr. Abachy went to his living room he was hoping that his relatively long absence would go unnoticed. But as soon as he went inside his son declared his intention to leave. He tried to get him to stay but his son dismissed that and accused him of hiding in his room, despair gripped his heart as he tried to get his son to stay. Before long Jason had figured it out, and as usual he got furious. He has always been a smart kid, how could someone as smart as Jason end up in that life was beyond Abe. Once again Abe found himself in a screaming Match with his only son. He didn’t understand why something as normal and considerate as a simple meal would cause all that anger from his son.

Jason couldn’t believe how his father had turned a simple visit into WWIII, why does he has to always pull this fucken stunts was beyond Jason’s understanding. Why does he always has to remind Jason that he’s a loser it’s not like he could forget. But sometimes he can pretend that he’s just a normal son visiting his father, there is no need to remind him that he’s merely a homeless failure. Why just can’t he pretend, why does he has to push him while he’s already down.

It was easy for Phoebe to see where both of them were coming from. In one hand she had a desprate father trying to help his son, the only way he knew how. On the other there was a son who believes he’s a complete loser and that his father is merely rubbing it in. she wanted to shake both of them hard and make them open their eyes to see the simple truth. But she suspected that they would never allow themselves to see it. They were so different and yet so alike. All Phoebe could do was wishful thinking ,hoping that in the future they would choose to see what they disregard so willingly now, before it was too late.

THE END